[Scene: Joey and Rachel's. Rachel is there. Ross and Ben enter.]
Rachel: Hi! Hi, Ben!
Ross: Hi, we have a little bathroom emergency.
Rachel: Oh, yeah, go ahead.
[Ben starts to go, but Ross stops him.]
Ross: Uh, but before we do, uh, are any of Joey's special romance magazines in there?
Rachel: No. No.
Ross: [to Ben] Okay! All clear!
Ben: [running to the bathroom] Thanks, Phoebe!
Rachel: Ben, that's Rachel! But whatever.
Ross: [to Ben] Everything okay in there?
Ben: Don't talk to me now!
Rachel: Aw, just like his Daddy.
Ross: Hey, listen, could you do me a big favor? The dean's office called and said there was an urgent
meeting. Can you watch Ben for, I don't know, like an hour?
dean [di:n]: a person in a university who is in charge of a department of studies (大学的)学院院长；系主任
(<异>212.Mr. Lipson: Hi. Dean Lipson, zoo administrator.)
Rachel: Wha-what about Monica?
Ross: Oh, she isn't home.
Rachel: So it would just be me alone?
Ross: Well, Ben would be there.
Rachel: No. Huh, um…
Ross: What's the matter?
Rachel: Well, you know, it's just, uh, I've never done that before. Me and him, alone.
Ross: Rach, he's not an ex-con.
ex-con: 以前的罪犯；有前科者 (<词缀>ex-附在名词，表示"以前的，前任的"。)
Rachel: Okay. Okay. Okay. Uh, what do I, what do I do with him?
Ross: I don't know! Just-just talk to him, entertain him and keep him alive.
entertain (somebody) (with something) [ˌɛntərˈteɪn]: to interest and amuse someone in order to please them 给…以
Ross: Okay. Ben? Come here. All right, I'm gonna leave you here with Aunt Rachel for about an hour, okay?
Are you gonna be okay?
Rachel: Yeah, I think so.
Ross: [to Rachel] I wasn't talking to you.
Ben: I'll be okay.
Ross: Okay, I'll see you soon, buddy. Be back in an hour.
Ben: Bye, Dad.
Rachel: Bye. [Ross exits.] Ah… So this is fun, huh?
Ben: Not really.
Rachel: Okay. Uh, want something-want something to drink?
Rachel: Uh, great! All right, how do you feel about Diet Coke?
Ben: I'm not allowed to have soda.
Rachel: Okay. Well, that's pretty much all that we have. Oh! Oh! Have you ever had a virgin margarita?
[holds up a bottle of margarita mix]
Ben: What's a virgin?
Rachel: Water it is.
[Scene: Central Perk. Monica and Chandler are talking. Joey and Phoebe are getting coffee.]
Monica: What about the second minister we meet with? I kinda liked him.
Chandler: You mean the spitter?
Monica: Come on! It wasn't that bad!
Chandler: Easy for you to say. You'll be wearing a veil.
Monica: All right, what about the third guy?
Chandler: You mean the guy kept staring at your chest?
Monica: Can you blame him?
Chandler: Sorry, I just don't like the idea of when I'm saying "I do", he's thinking "Yeah, I'd do it too!"
Monica: Well then, we still have a problem.
Phoebe: [returning with Joey] With what?
Monica: Well, we're trying to find someone to perform our wedding and they're all either boring or
annoying or, you know, can't stop staring at the ladies.
Phoebe: Oh! You should have one of us do it!
Monica: Phoebe, we're getting married married, not sixth grade married.
Phoebe: No! No! It's-it's a real thing! Anyone can get ordained on the Internet and perform, like, weddings
ordain somebody [ɔrˈdeɪn]: to make someone a priest, minister, or rabbi 委任…为牧师；授予…圣职
Monica: Are you serious?
Phoebe: Yes! A friend of mine did it and it's totally legal!
Joey: I call it!!
Phoebe: What? No! It was my idea!
Chandler: Guys, thank you very much, but neither of you is marrying us.
Joey: Does calling it not mean anything anymore?
Chandler: We are going to have a legitimate member of the clergy! And when I say legitimate, I mean,
gay and in control of his saliva!
legitimate: allowed and acceptable according to the law 合法的；法律认可的 (<异>709.Ross: It's a legitimate
clergy ['klɝdʒi]: the priests or ministers of a religion, especially of the Christian Church (总称)(尤指基督教的)神职
[Gunther passes by with a tray of muffins.]
Phoebe: Oh, is that lemon poppy seed?
poppy seed ['pɑpi]: the small grey seeds of one type of poppy flower, used esp on loaves and as a cake filling
Gunther: Oh, you don't want these. They're old and stale. I'm leaving them outside for the pigeons.
stale [steil]: (of food, especially bread and cake) no longer fresh and therefore unpleasant to eat 不新鲜的；走味的；
Joey: I call them!
[Scene: Joey and Rachel's. Rachel and Ben are sitting on the couch.]
Rachel: Ben, you know, when, uh, when you were a baby, you and I used to hang out all the time. 'Cause
I was, I was your Daddy's girlfriend.
Ben: But you're not anymore!
Rachel: No, I'm not.
Ben: Because you guys were on a break.
Rachel: Hey! We were not on a—Okay. That's fine! Fine. You know what, Ben? One day when you are
a lot older, I'm going to tell you that entire story over a pitcher of real margaritas, okay? Ah!
Ben: When's my Daddy coming back?
Rachel: [checks her watch] 52 minutes. Ah. So no-no brothers and sisters, huh? That must be nice. You
don't have to share stuff.
Ben: Sharing is good.
Rachel: Oh, you're one of those. But you know what? I have two sisters of my own and we just, we just
tortured each other.
torture somebody: to make someone feel extremely unhappy or anxious 使痛苦；折磨 (<异>407.Chandler: I just
walked in the bathroom and saw Kathy naked. It was like torture.<异>513.Chandler: Okay, it was like she was
torturing me for information and I wanted to give it up.)
Ben: Really? Like how?
Rachel: Well, you know, we would, um, we'd repeat everything the other said, or, uh, we'd jump out of
closets to scare each other, or switch the sugar for the salt so they'd put salt on their cereal.
Ben: That's a good one.
Rachel: Yeah? You like that one?
Ben: Yeah, you're funny.
Rachel: I'm funny? Oh, thank God! Well, hey, I've got a ton of these! Um, oh, here. You want a good
one? Here's a good one. Um, you, uh, you take a quarter, take a quarter and, and you blacken the
edge, right? And then you say to person, "I bet you can't roll this quarter from your forehead to
your chin without it leaving your face." And then when they do it, they're left with a big black pencil
line right down the center of their face.
Ben: Can I do it to you?
Rachel: Yeah, I-I-I'm funny, Ben, but I'm not stupid, okay?
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's. Monica and Chandler are eating lunch as Joey enters.]
Joey: So, did you, uh, find anyone to marry you guys yet?
Chandler: No, but Horny for Monica Minister called, wanting to know if we were still together.
Monica: We're never gonna find anybody.
Joey: Well then, let me do it!
Joey: No-no-no! Look, I've been thinking about it. I'm an actor, right? So I won't get nervous talking in front
Monica: Joey, it's really sweet…
Joey: No-no-no-no, look, no! I won't spit, and I won't stare at Monica's breasts, you know. Everyone knows
I'm an ass man!
Monica: That is true.
Joey: Yeah, and the most important thing is, it won't be some, like, stranger up there who barely knows you.
It'll be me! And I swear, I'll do a really good job. Plus, you know, I love you guys and-and it would really
mean a lot to me.
Chandler: [to Monica] Well, we haven't found anybody else.
Monica: Might be kinda cool.
Joey: So I can do it?
Chandler: Yeah, you can do it.
Joey: All right! Okay! All right! Okay-okay, I gotta get started on my speech! Oh, wait a minute, Internet
ministers can still have sex, right?
[Phoebe enters slowly.]
Monica: Hey, Pheebs, how's it going?
Phoebe: Oh, I have a headache. A horrible headache!
Monica: Oh, I'm sorry. Can I get you something?
Phoebe: Oh, my God, you've got to stop chattering!
chatter: to talk quickly and continuously, especially about things that are not important 喋喋不休地说(不重要的事)；
唠叨 (<异>117.Marcel chatters about.)
Monica: Here, take a couple of these.
Phoebe: What is it?
Monica: It's Hexadrin.
Phoebe: Oh, no, I don't believe in Western medicine. No, if you just apply pressure to these points right
here...[the part of the hand between the thumb and the index finger], then your hand starts to hurt and you
still have a headache, so thanks. [takes the pills.]
Western medicine: 西药；西医
apply something to something: to press on something hard with your hand, foot, etc. to make something work or
have an effect on something 施加 (<异>105.Chandler: Saturday night, all rules apply!<异>121.Ross: Well, we're
applying to a lot of them.<异>316.Phoebe: After applying the Waxine and linen strips to leg number one…)
Monica: Okay, while we're waiting for these pills to kick in, I'm gonna sit you down on the couch. Come on.
Get some nice soft pillows under your head. I'm gonna turn the TV on and you can watch whatever you want.
And I'm—sit down—I'm gonna make you some tea. And then, I'm gonna rub your feet.
Joey: Oh! My head! Oh! [He puts his feet up for Monica to rub.] Oh!
[Scene: Joey and Rachel's. Rachel is reading. There is knock on the door.]
[She opens the door to reveal Ross with a pencil mark from his forehead to his chin.]
Ross: I have a bone to pick with you.
have a bone to pick with somebody: to be angry with someone about something and want to discuss it with them 对
Ross: Yes! Ben learned a little trick.
Rachel: Oh, yeah? Did he pull the old…? [She is waving her hand up and down her face. She's thinking
about the pencil mark.]
Ross: That's right! That's right! Saran Wrap on the toilet seat, so the pee goes everywhere!
Saran wrap: (trademark) is a thin, clear, stretchy plastic which you use to cover food to keep it fresh 莎伦食物包装
Rachel: Oh, that.
Ross: Yeah, that! You know I hate practical jokes! They're mean and they're stupid and-and I don't want
my son learning them!
practical joke: a trick that is played on someone to make them look stupid and to make other people laugh 恶作剧；
Rachel: Oh, come on! Saran Wrap on the toilet seat, you don't think that's just a little funny?
Ross: I was barefoot. [Rachel laughs.] You see, you see, this is exactly what I'm talking about. You're not
laughing with someone. You're laughing at someone. And laughing at someone is not nice!
barefoot ['bɛr'fʊt]: not wearing anything on your feet 赤脚的；不穿鞋袜的
Rachel: Oh, so you're one of those too!
Ross: Now, tell me, the toilet thing is the only thing you taught him, right?
Rachel: [looking at his mark] Yes.
[Scene: Central Perk. Phoebe, Chandler and Monica are there.]
Phoebe: It's amazing! My headache is completely gone! What are those pills called?
Phoebe: Oh, I love you, Hexadrin! Oh, look! It comes with a story! [She pulls out the instructions and side
Monica: No, Phoebe, those are, like, the side affects and stuff.
Phoebe: Say what?
Monica: You know, the possible side affects.
Phoebe: Oh, my God! [starts reading them] Dizziness, nervousness, drowsiness, facial swelling, nausea,
headache—Headache. Vomiting, stomach bleeding, liver damage! Now, okay, I don't recall any of this
coming up when you gave me these little death capsules! Oh, I'm sorry, "extra strength" death capsules!
dizziness ['dizinis]: 眩晕，头昏
nervousness ['nɝvəsnɪs]: 神经质；紧张不安
drowsiness ['draʊzɪnɪs]: 困倦
facial swelling: 面部肿胀
liver damage: 肝损伤
capsule [ˈkæpsl]: a small container that has a measured amount of a medicine inside and dissolves when you
swallow it (装药的)胶囊
extra strength: 增强型；特强装
Monica: Phoebe, relax, none of that stuff ever happens! They just put it on there for legal reasons!
Monica: In case it happens.
Joey: [entering] Hey!
Joey: Say hello to Reverend Joey Tribbiani! [holds up the piece of paper bearing the proof of his
ordination [,ɔ:di'neiʃən]: the act or ceremony of making someone a priest, minister, or rabbi 圣职授予
Monica: You did it! You got ordained?
Joey: Yeah, I just got off the Internet! Man, there is a lot of porn out there!
Chandler: Our minister…
Joey: I can now officially marry anybody I want. [A couple walks by.] Hey, you guys seem happy. If you ever
wanna get married, you give me a call! [to the girl] If not, you give me a call.
Phoebe: I have liver damage. Ow! Oh! [She grabs the left side of her torso.]
Monica: Phoebe, your liver is right here. [She points to the right side of her torso.]
Phoebe: Okay, well then, I must be disoriented.
disorient somebody [dɪsˈɔriɛnt]: to make someone unable to recognize where they are or where they should go 使
Joey: Hey-hey, anyway, I started working on what I'm gonna say for the ceremony. You wanna hear it?
Joey: Now, listen, this is just a first draft, so… [starts to read the piece of paper he brought] "We are
gathered here today on this joyous occasion to celebrate the special love that Monica and Chandler
share." [Monica and Chandler like it so far.] Eh? [He continues reading.] "It is a love based on giving
and receiving, as well as having and sharing. And the love that they give and have is shared and
received. And through this having and giving and sharing and receiving, we too can share and love
and have and receive."
Chandler: [to Monica] Should we call the spitter?
[Scene: Carol and Susan's. There is a knock on the door. Carol opens it to reveal Rachel.]
Carol: Hey, Rachel!
[The camera cuts to her face. Ben pulled the quarter trick with her as well.]
Carol: What a nice surprise! What are you doing here?
Rachel: Well, you know, I was just in the neighborhood and I passed by your building and I thought to
myself, "What's up with Carol and sweet little Ben?"
Carol: Nice. Well, come on in.
Carol: Um, uh, I'll make some coffee and, uh, we can chat.
Rachel: I'd love that. I would love that. So, uh, so where is sweet little Ben? I would love to have a little
Ben: [jumping up from behind her chair] Gotcha!
Rachel: I found him! [to Ben] Very funny. Come here! That is exactly why I've come here to talk to you,
Carol: Rach, do you want some sugar in your coffee?
Rachel: Yes, but… [to Ben] Do I want sugar in my coffee? [Ben nods no.] No, just some milk would be
good, Carol. Thanks. [to Ben] Okay, do you remember all that stuff I taught you yesterday?
Ben: [mimicking her] Remember all that stuff I taught you yesterday?
Rachel: Don't do that.
Ben: Don't do that.
Rachel: Seriously, your Dad doesn't like pranks.
Ben: Seriously, your Dad doesn't like pranks.
Rachel: Oh, damnit!
Ben: Oh, damnit!
Rachel: No! Don't say that! Don't say that!
Rachel: No, don't! Go back to repeating!
Rachel: Oh, crap!
Ben: Oh, crap!