[Scene: Monica and Chandler's. Later in the day.]
Monica: Okay! It's time for dinner. Um, everyone, we're-we're using our fancy china. Um, and it's-it's very
expensive, so please be careful.
Ross: [starts playing with a plate] Whoa. Whoa. [nearly really drops the plate] Whoa.
Monica: Okay, just to be clear, comedy with the plates will not be well-received. [pinches Ross's arm]
Joey: Hey! How come my plate's less fancy than everyone else's? Do you not trust me with a fancy plate?
Monica: No, honey. It's, that's a special plate. See, it's a game. Whoever gets that plate wins.
Joey: I can't believe I won.
Amy: You know, this is such a slap in the face. I mean, I'm your sister and you would give your baby to
these strangers over me.
Rachel: Monica is Ross's sister.
Amy: No, Ross's sister was really fat.
Monica: That was me.
Amy: No, she was this really dorky girl in high school who used to follow Rachel around like a puppy dog.
puppy dog: (常指一岁以内里的)小狗，幼犬
Rachel: Hey, Amy! You've got to stop doing that.
[Amy gets pissed and starts cutting food on the fancy plate very harshly.]
Monica: Okay, uh, listen, I know that you're having a little bit of a family crisis, but, you don't have to take it
out on the plates. I mean, in fact, I think that-that everyone should cut their food like this. [Monica holds
a turkey leg up in the air over the plate trying to cut meat off with a knife.] Now, see, this way you
protect the plate and, let's face it, you have fun.
family crisis: 家庭危机
take it/something out on somebody: to behave in an unpleasant way toward someone because you feel angry,
disappointed, etc., although it is not their fault 把气出在…身上
Amy: Okay, how about this? If you guys die and the crazy plate lady dies, then do I get the baby?
Chandler: Oh, if crazy plate lad- If Monica dies, then I would get Emma, right?
Rachel: Well, actually…
Chandler: Actually what?
Ross: Uh, it's just, it's just in that case, then, um, Emma would go to my parents.
Amy: Hurts, doesn't it?
Joey: Uh, who has to die for me to get her?
Chandler: So, if Monica's not around, I'm not good enough to raise Emma?
Ross: No, that-that is not what we're saying.
Joey: Yeah, he's lying. He looked down.
Chandler: Well, what is wrong with me? Am I, am I incompetent? Because I managed to survive whatever
it is that killed the three of you!
Rachel: Honey, you're taking this the wrong way. We-we think you're gonna be a wonderful parent. It's
just, you're-you're more the, you know, fun parent.
Ross: Yeah, and we wanna make sure that Emma also has someone like Monica who's more of, a, a,
disciplinarian. Someone who can be firm and strict.
disciplinarian [,dɪsəplɪ'nɛrɪən]: a person who believes in using rules and punishments for controlling people 信奉
Monica: That's not how you see me, is it?
Phoebe: [cutting a sweet potato in the air] No, you're all about the fun.
Chandler: Look, I may not know a lot about babies, but do you really think I'm not capable?
Ross: No, you-you both are equally capable. It's just you're strongest when-when you're together.
Chandler: Okay. So if we both had Emma and I died…[knocks on table] she'd have to give her up.
Ross: Sure. Monica would have to give her up.
Joey: I lie better than that, right?
Chandler: So, let me, let me just get this straight. So, my two friends die. I get Emma. Then my wife dies.
Then Emma, the one tiny ray of hope left in my life gets taken away from me?
a ray of hope: 一线希望
Phoebe: There's your movie!
[Scene: The Hallway. Chandler is sitting there. Monica opens her front door.]
Monica: Hey, there you are. You disappeared after dinner.
Chandler: Oh, did somebody miss me? Was there a child to raise poorly?
Monica: Ross and Rachel don't know what they're talking about. I mean, it's not like their so responsible.
Emma is a product of a bottle of Merlot and a five-year-old condom.
Merlot [ˈmɜːləʊ]: 墨尔乐红葡萄酒
Chandler: Yeah, but they're right. I mean, I'm not a strong father figure and I never will be.
father figure: an older man that someone respects because he will advise and help them like a father 父亲般的人物
Monica: No, you learn these things. You grow into it.
Chandler: Yeah, but it's not who I am, you know. Everything they said is exactly why I was worried about
having a kid. And it's true. And, look, everybody knows it.
it's not who I am (<比>907.Chandler: Because that's who I am, okay?)
Monica: I don't know it! I wanna have a kid with you because I think you're gonna be an amazing Dad at
the fun parts and the hard parts.
Chandler: Oh, yeah? Well, can you picture me saying "Go to your room! You're grounded"?
ground somebody: to punish a child by not allowing them to go out with their friends for a period of time 限制外出
Monica: Can you hear me say "You're grounded"?
Chandler: You said that to me last week.
Monica: How hard is it? No shoes on the furniture.
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's. Joey is just getting off the phone.]
Joey: Oh, the producer from "Days" left a message on my machine asking why I wasn't at the parade.
They said everybody's really pissed off at me and they all got to meet Santa!
Phoebe: It's okay. I thought of the perfect lie for you. It's simple. It's easy to remember. And it doesn't invite
a lot of questions.
Joey: Oh, does it have something to do with a spaceship? Oh, no-no-no, the Statue of Liberty came to life
Statue of Liberty: 自由女神像，参见106.文化详解6.
come to life: to start to act or move as if alive 苏醒过来
Phoebe: Shh! You weren't at the parade because you had a family emergency.
Joey: Oh, I like that, yeah. Wasn't at the parade because I had a family emergency.
Phoebe: Oh, what happened?
Joey: Ah, my sister's raccoon came...
Phoebe: No! Nothing with a raccoon.
Joey: Alright, I'll take care of it.
[Monica and Chandler enter.]
Monica: Oh, wait. What are, what are you doing?
Joey: Setting the table.
Phoebe: Yeah, we thought it might be nice to use the-the fancy china for dessert too.
Monica: Oh, how nice. Maybe later we can all go blow our noses on my wedding dress.
[Ross comes out of the guest bedroom.]
Ross: Hey, dude, you okay? Sorry about before.
Chandler: Oh, no, that's okay. You're totally right. I don't know anything about disciplining a child. But it did
hurt my feelings and I want you to know that if I die, you don't get Joey.
discipline somebody ['dɪsəplɪn]: to train someone, especially a child, to obey particular rules and control the way
they behave 训练；训导；管教
[Amy walks over to the couch and sits down next to Rachel.]
Amy: Hhh. Hhh-hhh. In case you hadn't noticed, I'm not talking to you.
Amy: You know, this is just, this is classic Rachel.
Rachel: Oh, yeah, yeah, right. Remember in high school when I died and didn't give you my baby?
Amy: This might be my one chance to have a child, Rachel. I mean, you know that I have been so busy
focusing on my career.
Rachel: What? What career?
Amy: Um, I'm a decorator.
Rachel: You decorate Dad's office and now you're a decorator. Okay, I went to the zoo yesterday and
now I'm a koala bear.
koala bear [kəu'ɑ:lə]: an Australian animal with thick gray fur, large ears, and no tail. Koalas live in trees and eat
Amy: Why can't you ever be supportive?
Rachel: Supportive? You wanna talk supportive? You didn't even come and visit me when I was in the
hospital having the baby.
Amy: Oh, yeah, well, you didn't come see me in the hospital when I was getting my lips done.
Rachel: Ah, ah, I did the first time! Oh. Oh, and you know what? You wanna know why I'm not giving Emily
Rachel: Oh, whose side are you on? I'm not giving you Emma because there is no way you could handle
the responsibility of a child.
Amy: Well, how hard could it be? You do it.
Amy: Do you wanna know why you don't want me to have the baby?
Amy: Because you don't want me to be happy. You-you've always been jealous of me.
Rachel: Jealous of what? Of your lack of responsibility? Your-your immaturity? Your total disregard for
other people's feelings?
immaturity [ɪmə'tjʊrəti]: a lack of the qualities and behaviour that you would expect from a sensible adult 幼稚
disregard [ˌdɪsrɪˈgɑrd]: the act of treating someone or something as unimportant and not caring about them/it
Amy: Uh, to name a few. You know, you've just always been like this. You just, you had to have everything.
And I couldn't have anything. Like in junior high, when you stole Timmy from me. I mean, do you even
realize how much that hurt me?
Rachel: Timmy was my boyfriend and you made out with him!
Amy: Oh, come on, that was 20 years ago. Get over it.
Rachel: Oh, I cannot believe, I cannot believe that I invited you here today.
Amy: Yeah, well, you know what I cannot believe? That my so-called sister gets a 30% discount from
Ralph Lauren and I still have to pay retail?
so-called: used to show that you do not think that the word or phrase that is being used to describe someone or
something is appropriate(尤表示不认同)所谓的
Rachel: Ha-ha-ha, ah-ha-ha, it's 45.
Amy: You bitch. You just think you're so perfect, with your new baby and your-your small apartment.
Well, let me tell you something. Your baby isn't even that cute.
Ross: Too far, Amy. Too far.
Rachel: You take that back.
Rachel: Take it back!
Amy: No! What are you gonna do? Make me?
Rachel: Hey, man, I work out.
Amy: So do I.
Rachel: I do Pilates.
Pilates [pəˈlɑːtiːz]: a system of stretching and pushing exercises using special equipment, which help make
your muscles stronger and make you able to bend parts of your body more easily 普拉提(一种改善身姿和柔韧
Amy: I do yoga.
Rachel: Bring it on!
Monica: Put the plates back in the boxes! Put the plates back in the boxes!
Rachel: Did you just push me?
Amy: Uh, yeah, I think I did.
Rachel: Alright. That's it! [pushes Amy back]
Monica: Forget the bubble wrap! There isn't time!
bubble wrap: a sheet of plastic that has lots of small raised parts filled with air, used for protecting things that are
being carried or sent by mail 泡沫包装
Rachel: [starts messing up Amy's hair] Frizzy, frizzy, frizzy, frizzy, frizzy!
frizzy ['frizi]: very tightly curled (头发)带小卷的
Phoebe: Oh, my God! Shouldn't we stop this?
Joey: Are you out of your mind? Let's throw some Jell-O on them.
Phoebe: Hey, someone could get hurt.
Ross: Kick her, Rach! Kick her!
Joey: Pull her top off, Rach! Pull her top off!
[Amy starts spitting on Rachel's hand.]
Rachel: Ew! Oh, gross!
[Rachel swipes the one plate left on the table onto the floor. Monica faints and Ross catches her.]
Chandler: Alright! That is it. This is our apartment and you cannot behave this way. Now, if you
can't act your age, then you shouldn't be here at all. Now, those plates may not be as nice as the
pretty pink ones that I picked out, but they're very important to Monica. And I want you to apologize
to her right now.
act one's age: 举止与年龄相称；举止有大人气，(多指少年)不再孩子气
Amy: I'm sorry.
Rachel: Mon, I'm so sorry.
Chandler: Okay. That's better. Now I want you to apologize to each other and mean it.
Chandler: By the way, that fight was totally arousing.
arousing [ə'rauziŋ]: 振奋人心的
Ross: Dude, well done. You know what? If I die and Rachel dies and Monica dies, you can totally take care
Chandler: Oh, yeah? Well, thanks.
Ross: So, so, now do I get Joey?
Chandler: Okay, but you should know he eats five times a day and shoves pennies up his nose.
penny: a coin worth one cent 一分面值的铜币
Rachel: Are you okay, Mon?
Monica: Uh-huh. I mean, these things happen. I mean, it's just a plate. It's not like somebody died.
Phoebe: It's all right. You can mourn.
mourn [mɔrn]: to feel and show sadness because someone has died; to feel sad because something no longer
exists or is no longer the same 为…感到悲痛；哀悼
Monica: [starts crying] Thank you. It was so beautiful. I'm gonna go to Joey's and get the pies.
Joey: Actually, not pies. It's just "pie".
Monica: I don't care. Oh, my God, I've lost the will to scold.
Rachel: Look, Amy, we got a little, a little out of control over there. Um, and I'm sorry. You're my sister
and, uh, if it really means that much to you...
Amy: So you're gonna give me the baby?
Rachel: No. I was, I was gonna let you use my Ralph Lauren discount.
Amy: You are not gonna regret this.
[Emma starts crying.]
Rachel: She needs changing.
Chandler: Oh, no-no-no. I'll get her. I'm super-competent and totally responsible and fourth in line to
raise Emma. I'll be right there, Emma. Just let me get my trusty diaper bag here. [knocks over the
box of china] Well, what do you know? I guess I'll be the one who dies first.
competent (to do something) [ˈkɑmpətənt]: having enough skill or knowledge to do something well or to the
necessary standard 有能力的；能胜任的
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's. Chandler is packing the broken china in its box.]
Phoebe: Hey, does Monica know about her broken plates yet?
Phoebe: Broke them all, huh?
Phoebe: You gonna tell her?
Chandler: Nope. [Monica walks in.] Hey, so, I'm gonna put the plates back. You know, I think you're right.
I don't think we should use these plates again for a long time.
Monica: Like only if the queen comes?
Chandler: Maybe not even then.
Joey: Hey! I did it. I called my producer. I told him I had a family emergency. He totally bought it. Thanks
for teaching me how to lie, Pheebs.
Phoebe: No problem! Next week, stealing.
[Chandler walks away to store the box of broken china.]
Monica: Bye, plates!
Joey: Oh, you told her you broke all the plates, huh?
Monica: What? Something happened with the plates?
Joey: Uh, [looks down] yeah, this raccoon came in…