志萍的三分田

以中文为锄 以英文为铲

01月 2nd, 2017

【原创】704.The One with Rachel’s Assistant—Part1

老友记笔记, by 李志萍.


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[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, Everyone is there. They are finishing watching the first episode of Mac
and C.H.E.E.S.E.]


Mac: 
[on TV] Well, we learned one thing today, C.H.E.E.S.E., is that cheerleaders and high explosives
don't mix.
high explosive: a very powerful substance that is used in bombs and can damage a very large area 高能炸药;
烈性炸药

C.H.E.E.S.E.: You can say that again, Mac.

Mac: Well, I couldn
't have done it without you, buddy. You're a genius.

C.H.E.E.S.E.: Oh
, yeah? Well then, how come I can't get my VCR to stop blinking 12:00?

Joey: 
[laughing and turning off the TV] So, what did you guys think?

[They all make happy faces as they are unable to express their feelings verbally. The phone starts to ring.]

Rachel: The phone.

Monica: I got it. I got it. [on the phone] Hello? [listens] Hold on, please. Joey, it's your Mom.

Chandler: It
's your Mommy. It's your Mommy.

Ross: Oh


Rachel: That
's nice.

Joey: 
[on the phone] Ma, so what did you think? [He walks away allowing the gang a chance to figure out
what they
're gonna say.]

Rachel: 
Well, that was, um…okay.


Ross: 
It wasn't the best.

Chandler: 
That was one of the worst things ever. And not just on TV.

Monica: What are we gonna tell him?


Ross: Well, the lighting was okay.


Rachel: 
Oh
, no, you don't! You got lighting last time. Lighting is mine!

Monica: And I have costumes.


Ross: 
Oh, great! That means I'm stuck with, "So, we were watching you in there and you were sitting right
here! Whoa!"

Rachel: What are you gonna do
, Pheebs?

Phoebe: I don
't know. I don't know. I can't lie to him again. Oh, no, I—no! I'm just gonna press my breasts
up against him.


Chandler: And say nothing?


Phoebe: Uh-huh, yeah
, that's right.

Joey: 
[hangs up the phone] Wow! Well, my folks really liked it! So what-what did you guys think? [Phoebe
walks up to him and presses her breasts against him.
] It wasn't that good.

Opening Credits

[Scene: Central Perk. Phoebe and Monica are reading on the couch.]

Monica: Phoebe
?

Phoebe:
Yep.

Monica: Do you think that your favorite animal says much about you?

Phoebe: What? You mean behind my back?


Rachel: 
[entering, excitedly] Oh! Hi, you guys, oh, my God! You'll never gonna believe happened to me
today! I am sitting in my office and


Joey: 
[entering, excitedly] You guys! You guys! You're not gonna believe what my agent just told me!

Rachel: Joey!
Kinda in the middle of a story here!

Joey: 
Oh, sorry. Sorry. You finish, go.

Rachel: Okay, so
, anyway, I'm sitting in my office and guess who walks in.

Joey: I
'm gonna be on two TV shows!

Monica and Phoebe: Oh, that
's great!

Rachel: Joey!


Joey: Oh, you weren
't finished?

Rachel: Yeah! Guess who walks into my office is the end of my story.
[to Monica and Phoebe] It was
Ralph Lauren!
[Monica and Phoebe gasp.] Ralph Lauren walked into my office!

Joey: Uh
, Rach, if you're gonna start another story, at least let me finish mine.

Rachel: It
's the same story.

Joey: Wow, it
's really long.

Rachel: Anyway, Ralph just came in to tell me that he
's so happy with my work that he wants me to be
the new
merchandising manager for Polo retail.
merchandising ['mə:tʃəndaiziŋ]: used to refer to the way stores and businesses organize the sale of their products,
for example the way they are displayed and the prices that are chosen 销售规划(商业)

retail ['ri:teil]: the selling of goods to the public, usually through stores 零售

Monica: Still get a discount on wedding dresses?


Rachel: Yeah!


Monica: I
'm so happy for you!

Joey: Well, these really are the days of our lives.


Monica: What?


Joey: Well, since you ask
, they want me back on "Days of Our Lives"!

Phoebe: Oh
, God!

Rachel: 
I got—I get a big pay raise!

Monica and Phoebe: Oh
, hey!

Joey: I
'll be playing Drake Ramoray's twin brother, Stryker!

Monica and Phoebe: 
Oh!


Rachel: I get to hire my own assistant!


Monica and Phoebe: Ah!


Joey: 
[jumps up] Well, I got a head rush from standing up too fast right there.

[Scene: Rachel's New Office. She's interviewing a potential new assistant.]

Rachel: 
[reading the resume] And you were at this job for four years?

Hilda: That
's right.

Rachel: Okay, well
, this is all very impressive, Hilda. Um, I just have one last question for you. Uh, how did
I do? Was this okay?

Hilda ['hildə]: 希尔达(女子名)

Hilda: What?


Rachel: I
've never interviewed anyone before. I've actually never had anyone work for me before. Although
when I was a kid, we did have a
maid, but this is-this isn't the same thing.

Hilda: No
, dear, it's not.

Rachel: No. Yeah, and I know that.
So…All right, well, thank you so much for coming in. It was nice to meet
you.


Hilda: 
Thank you! Good meeting you.

Rachel: All right.
[Hilda exits.] I'm a total pro!

[There's a knock on the door and a handsome man enters.]

Tag: Hello?

Rachel: Wow! Hum! Hi! Yes, uh
, I'm sorry, the models are actually down the hall.

Tag: Actually, I'm here about the assistant job.

Rachel: Really?!
[taking his resume] Okay, well then, all right, well, just have a seat there. Um, so what's
—what is—what
's your name?

Tag: Tag Jones.

Rachel:
 Uh-huh, go on.


Tag: That
's it. That's my whole name.

Rachel: That
's your whole name. Okay, of course it is! Okay, well, let's-let's just have a look-see here.
look-see: a quick look at something 快速的检查或观看

Tag: I know I haven
't worked in an office before, and I really don't have a lot of experience, but, uh

Rachel: Oh
, come on, what are you talking about? You've got three years painting houses. Two whole 
summers at T.G.I. Friday
's. Come on!

Tag: It
's lame, I know. But I'm a goal-oriented person, very eager to learn
goal-oriented: 目标导向的 (<复合>-oriented名词后,构成形容词,表示"以…为方向的")

Rachel: Okay,
just hold on a second, please. [She grabs a camera out of the desk and takes his picture.] 
Sorry, it's for Human Resources. Everybody has to do it. Would you just stand up, please?

[Scene: Central Perk. Chandler is sitting on the couch when some unknown guy comes in and sits in their
easy chair.]
easy chair: a large comfortable chair 安乐椅

Chandler: No-no-no-no
-no. [waves him away as Monica and Phoebe enter whispering to each other] 
Hey!
[Monica shushes him.]

Phoebe: 
[to Monica] Anyway, I should go.

Monica: Okay.

Phoebe: Okay, bye.

Monica: 
[to Chandler] Hey, sweetie.

Chandler: Hi
, sweetie. So, what was with all the whispering?

Monica: I can
't tell you. It's a secret.

Chandler: Secret?
Married people aren't supposed to have secrets between one another. We have too
much love and respect for one another.


Monica: 
Aw.
[kisses him] But still, no.

Chandler: No
, I'm serious. We should tell each other everything. I do not have any secrets from you.

Monica: Really? Okay, so why don
't you tell me what happened to Ross junior year at Disneyland?

Chandler: Oh
, no-no, I can't do that.

Monica: If you tell me, I
'll tell you what Phoebe said.

Chandler: Okay.


Monica: Okay.


Chandler: 
So, Ross and I are going t
o Disneyland and we stop at this restaurant for tacos. And when I
say "restaurant", I mean a guy, a
hibachi and the trunk of his car. So Ross has about 10 tacos. And, 
anyway, we
're on Space Mountain and Ross starts to feel a little iffy.
hibachi: 参见112.文化详解7.
trunk [trʌŋk]: the space at the back of a car that you put bags, cases, etc. in 后备箱
taco: 脆玉米卷,参见115.文化详解11.
Space Mountain: 飞越太空山,是以外太空为主题的室内过山车
iffy ['ifi]: not very good in some way 不太好的;有毛病的

Monica: Oh
, my God. He threw up?

Chandler: 
No, he visited a town a little south of throw up.

Monica: [laughs hysterically] No!

Chandler: Yeah, some of the employees decided to rename the park "The Crappiest Place on Earth". So
what was Phoebe
's secret?
rename [,ri:'neim]: to give someone or something a new name 给…重新命名;给…改名

Monica: 
Um, Nancy Thompson from Phoebe's old massage place is getting fired.

Chandler: 
Oh…That's it? I gave up my Disneyland story for that?

Monica: That
's right! You lose, sucker! [pauses] Please still marry me.

[Scene: Monica and Chandler's. Chandler, Rachel and Phoebe are there.]

Rachel: Chandler, you have an assistant right?


Chandler: Did she call? You-you told her I was sick
, right? Always tell her I am sick!

Rachel: 
No, I-I just don't know how do you decide who to hire. I mean, I've got it narrowed down to two
people. One of them has great references and a lot of experience and then there
's this guy

Chandler: What about him?


Rachel: I love him. He
's so pretty. I wanna cry! I don't know what to do. Tell me what to do.

Phoebe: Come on
, you know what to do! You hire the first one! You don't hire an assistant because they're
cute
. You hire them because they're qualified.

Rachel:
 Uh-huh. No, I hear what you
're saying and-and-and that makes a lot of sense, but can I just say
one more thing?
[takes out his picture.] Look how pretty!

Phoebe: Let
 me see. Oh, my God!

Rachel: Right?

Phoebe: OhBut no! No! You can't-you can't hire him, 'cause that—it's not professional. Um, this is for me,
y
es? [puts the picture in her pocket]

Rachel:
 Okay
, you're right. I'll hire Hilda tomorrow. Dumb, old, perfect-for-the-job Hilda!

Chandler: Let me see this guy.
[Phoebe hands him the picture.] Wow! Don't show this to Monica! And
don
't tell her about the "Wow!"

[Scene: The Days of Our Lives Producer's Office. Joey enters.]

Terry: Hey-hey-hey
, Joey!

Joey: Hey
, Terry!

Terry: 
Nice to see you again!

Joey: It
's been a while, huh? Wow, it's funny these halls look smaller than they used to.

Terry: It
's a different building.

Joey: So! Stryker
Ramoray, huh? When do you want me to start?

Terry: Why don
't we start right now?

Joey: Okay.


Terry: Here are the audition scenes.


Joey: 
Audition?
I thought you were gonna offer me the part.

Terry:
 Why would you think that?

Joey: Well, I was Dr. Drake Ramoray, Stryker's twin brother. I mean, who looks more like me than me, 
right?


Terry: Everybody has to audition.


Joey: Y
ou know, Terry, I-I don't really need to do this. I got my own cable TV series, with a robot.

Terry: 
I'm sorry, Joey. That'sthat's the way it is.

Joey: 
Well, I guess you think you're pretty special, huh? Sitting up here in your fancy small hall building,
m
aking stars jump through hoops for you, huh? Well, you know what? This is one star whose hoop
This is a star that the hoop—this hoop—I was Dr. Drake Ramoray!

[Scene: Rachel's Office. She's there as Tag knocks on the door and enters carrying a plant.]

Rachel: Hi! Tag. What are you doing here?


Tag: 
I just wanted to come by and thank you for not laughing in my face yesterday. And I noticed there
aren
't any plants in your office, so I wanted to bring you your first[notices her plant] There is a plant in
your office.


Rachel: Kinda.


Tag: And that was there yesterday, wasn't it?

Rachel: Yeah, I got it the same time I got that one.

Tag: Right. So I guess I shouldn't put "good at noticing stuff" on my resume. [sets the plant down on her
desk
]

Rachel: Oh, thank you.


Tag: Anyway, I
'm guessing you hired somebody.

Rachel: Well


Tag: Gotcha.
Thanks again for meeting with me. [starts to leave]

Rachel: But I hired you!


Tag: What?


Rachel: Yeah! You-you got the job! You
're my new assistant!

Tag: I am?


Rachel: Yeah!


Tag: I can
't believe it!

Rachel: Me either.


Tag:
 Rachel, thank you so much!

Rachel: Oh, big hug.

Tag: Really?

Rachel: No, handshake. Well, okay, let's get started. Um, all right, first thing I need you to do is go
downstairs and find a wom
an named Hilda and tell her to go home.

 

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